I am perpetually stunned, session after session and find without fail that your primary caregivers, your mother and father will form the blue print for how you are in your adult relationships.
History Repeats Itself
Raised by a rager? You'll either become one, marry one, or swing in the complete opposite direction and become conflict avoidant, only to have rage be within.
Raised by an addict? You'll either become one, marry one, or never touch substances, disgusted by their toxicity, only then to find that your children have become addicts themselves.
Raised by a someone with a mental illness? You'll either inherit their biology, find yourself in a care taking role in your marriage or profession or surround yourself in a community of similar people with the very same issues you saw as a child.
The list can go on and on.
Ask Questions of Your Past
Many of us shirk at the idea that childhood has such an influential role in our adult relationships. "Psychobabble" we say. However, it is through this very introspection, opening one's eyes, asking questions of your past, that we begin to harness real change.
It is through awareness building that we begin to see that there are choices, and with choice, comes power. Power to change, that is.
The Essential Ingredient to Self-Development
Unpack the first chapters of your life to understand your story. From there, you can begin to unravel the most important relationship of all: relationship to self. You will discover what you need, how you need to change, and finally, what you need to be happier in your relationship to yourself and to others.
-- Erika Boissiere is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who specializes in couples therapy, based out of San Francisco, CA. She is also the founder of The Relationship Institute of San Francisco, which provides cognitive behavioral therapy to couples and relationships.